Shiniki Okuzawa's Short Stories
by Shiniki Okuzawa
Summary: Bunches and Bunches of humorous stories ranging from everyone to every'thing', Reviews Mandatory for continuage! AN: This has started back up again after years of neglect! New Chapter 6!
1. Plot Bunnies

Shiniki Okuzawa: I do not own Detective Conan; Technically I do because I control the world!

Plot Bunnies: WE CONTROL THE WORLD!

Shiniki O: Run and hide you authors! Run and hide!

**The shopping mall murder case! **

Conan sighed, why on earth did he have to go to the mall with Ran and Sonoko? They had dragged him around enough that the amount of walking he did would take him to Osaka…

"Ran-neechan…Are we almost done?" Conan chirped

"Matte Conan-kun, Just a few more stores and we will be done!"

"_Liar…"_ Conan narrowed his eyes; He knew he was in for along day…Perhaps he might take long enough that he would naturally grow into his seventeen year old self…

A woman screamed, her boyfriend had just collapsed on the floor, his eyes rolled back

Conan rushed over to the dead body; He had seen these signs before on many other victims…another had died due to shopping mall exposure.

**KID is a good thief! **

A police officer approached Ginzou Nakamori "Eh, Keibu-san…Why do we bother going through all the stress and possibly humiliation of chasing Kaitou KID?"

Nakamori turned around slowly murder in his eyes…

"I mean…No one is really ever harmed, He always returns what was stolen, there is no real property damage done, we are just wasting our time with him when we could be out catching a real thief!"

Nakamori was shocked, years of his life wasted...He collapsed to his knees, with his last remaining grips of sanity he let out a roar "KAITOU KID!"

For some odd reason, Kuroba Kaito felt guilty, for what he was not sure…

**Revenge of the Plot Bunnies! Or Yuusaku…**

Shiniki Okuzawa was found dead in his house, On the computer screen in front of him was a fanfic he was working on, The police had been baffled, There was no attempt of foul player, He seemed to be in good health, had no type of health conditions, no wounds of any kind on him, The man seemed to just drop dead…

Conan entered the room along with Mouri-san, even he was baffled…How could a man suddenly drop dead? For some reason he felt he should call his father…

"Suddenly drop dead?" Yuusaku replied over the phone "Did he have some type of written book or fan fiction open?"

"Now that you mention it, he did…But how does that relate to the murder?"

"The Plot Bunnies strike again…"

And that is why Yuusaku is always a better detective then his son…He knows…

**DaBlondBlaqOrgKillah or Eviler then You!**

Gin always hated Vermouth, He despised her…Countless times that woman had teased him and she always got away with it…But now this will all change, For he was about to be promoted far higher then Vermouth, and soon that woman would have her just deserts…

Gin entered the bosses officer, a rather dark room completely square with guards on all side…Some random plot device gave Gin a muffin and congratulated him on his promotion and sent him out the door…Despite the fact that nothing at all was really said, He was finally higher then Vermouth…

He walked down the dark hallway to a closed door which read _'Vermouth'_ and entered "You!" Gin hissed

"Yes?" Vermouth replied giving him puppy dog eyes…

"Don't you dare give me those eyes woman? I am finally eviler then you!"

"Oh weally?" Vermouth replied sweetly, she savored the moments she could tease Gin, especially since he was now her superior "I'm Eviler then you…" She glared at him coldly "Do you like kittens?"

Gin whimpered "Yes…"

"I kick them!"

"Monster…" Gin muttered under his breath

"And that muffin in your hand…I dropped it on the floor…" Vermouth licked her lips "And your conditioner you use for your hair…"

"No! Don't say it! No!"

"I did nothing to it!"

"Nooooo-Wait what?"

Shiniki: Well then! Don't ask how I'm still alive…Read and reply! And maybe give me ideas for my next Short Stories! Also what do you guys think of the Gin Story? I don't think I executed it to well…


	2. Trial and Error

Shiniki: I do not own Detective Conan, But maybe Me or Myself does!

**Mystery writers are weird…**

It had been a long day, the girls had spent most of the time shopping and finally decided the boys could take the rest of the day off…No one could find change for a cab, and so began the long march home…

"Eh, Kudou…" Heiji said lazily

"Hn?" Conan looked up, his rather innocent eye's gazing upon the teenage detective

"Your father is a mystery writer…So doesn't that mean he sits in his study thinking of ways to kill people? Blackmail people? And do other horrible things to them?"

Conan shuttered, He never liked conversations with or about his parents, and now he knew why…

**The reports…**

Gin withdrew his gun, the job was finished…Yoshiro-san was dead…He entered his Porsche and drove away from the scene, back to the mysterious headquarters of the Black Organization. He entered through the back entrance and took the VIP elevator up to the 5th floor, just down the hall was his door…He entered his private quarters and stacked upon his desk was at least a foot of paperwork. He sat down slowly reaching his hand out for a pen; He slid the first paper off the stack and began to write…

**Mission No. 51,658**

**Was the job successful:** _Yes._

**Was there any witness's: **_Yes, Three people, Me, Myself, and I._

**Is there anything bothering you, and Health Conditions or the like: **_My hair has lost some tone and is not as shiny and glamorous and usual, If any of you make a comment about it, the Next paperwork I turn in will be subject to your death…_

**Have you ever thought of coming to the police about our Organization's dealings? Please note this will not schedule your immediate execution, but will have a serious impact on your life: **_Rot and Burn in Hell Vermouth! _

**Anything to make your mission far more enjoyable: **_Cut the paperwork…_

**Do you have any complaints: **_Yes… Cut the Paperwork! _

**Is there anything you would like to bring to our attention: **_Yes, the Paperwork Sucks!_

**Do you have any request's regarding your occupation and how you do it: **_Yes, let me do it without question...DOWN WITH PAPERWORK! _

After Gin finished writing nearly all of the paperwork…He sighed, how much longer was Vermouth going to torture him?

**Disney meets Kaito…**

The theater was booming "Under the Sea! Unda the Sea! Life is so much better! Down with its wetter! Take it from me!" How could someone produce such a film! This shouldn't be rated G! It should be rated X! Fish should not talk let alone sign! And F-fish people shouldn't exist either! Kaito slunked down into his chair…He was going to die, he knew it…

"What kind of sick and twisted person would come up with such a film? This is pure terror!" Kaito shrieked

"Oh Shut up Kaito…It's only the Little Mermaid…" Aoko sighed

"_When this is over…provided I'm still living, Aoko will regret ever taking me to…this monstrosity! _

**The Cure…**

"I found the antidote!" Ai suddenly came up behind Conan

Conan was startled; He wasn't expecting Ai to sneak up on him like that…"Oh? What is it?"

"Cyanide" She stated

"And how did you figure that out?" Conan glared at her…

"Trial and Error?"

Shiniki: And yes, SLUNKD down into his chair…It's a word!


	3. The Autobahn compells you

Shiniki: Sumimasen! I'm suffering from writers block… and the plot bunnies abandoned me after my story in the first chapter:o

Lucky everyone at the wagnergrp backs me up and serves as artificial plot bunnies!

Enjoy Missuire!

Tanning Salon… 

Heiji was always mistaken for a foreigner… He hated it… But he couldn't help it, all the girls had been attracted to him, and he had to tell the lie that he was born this way… or it would spell certain D00M with a certain girl…

In truth…

Heiji passed through the automatic doors of the Tanning Salon, selected the usual setting, and entered the tube… little did he know, today was going to be bad … at least he had the Lucky Charm… but he was to much of an Ahou to believe in that… so it worked only half the time…

"Hattori… what the hell is this?"

Heiji was so startled he forgot the dish in front of his face was hot enough to bake on… needless to say he was stuck with a huge white mark on his forehead… after the burn mark peeled off… and Kudou couldn't stop laughing… Kazuha also found out somehow, he tried to tell Ran; Kudou's secret but he somehow got sleepy… and forgot…

Conan meets Holmes 

A small second grader took Sherlock Holmes's hand; the second grader said, "Your Sherlock Holmes aren't you?"

"Why, yes I am… but that's only elementary!" Holmes chuckled and grasped the Childs hand "You're a Shrunken Teenage Detective…"

"_Damn… I have a long way to go…_" Conan sighed

**Lucky Charms! **

Shiniki: Heiji's lucky charm seems to be a real lucky charm… this is what would happen if he wasn't such a Ahou and realized that!

Heiji snickered, he was getting away with so many pranks and etc… there was only one thing left to do…

Heiji entered Osaka Metro and approached the female clerk, he swooned her and got tickets for free…

Tokyo, Mouri Tantei Agency 

"Who is it?" Ran called

"Nee-chan it's me…" Heiji said in his whiny yet somehow lazy voice

"Oh! Hattori-kun!" Ran said as she opened the door revealing… Some dude that's tan… What?

"I have something important to tell ya, Conan over there is actually your boyfriend Kudou Shinichi, he was shrunk by a crime syndicate and lives with ya because he thought your dad might have some info on dem, but he nevah wanted to tell ya because he thought ya would be put in danger and they would target cha"

Conan's face was in utter shock, how could Heiji Hattori reveal his secret! His eye's had been as wide as his head… How could this have happened!

"Oh, Hattori! Your such a kidder!" Ran laughed…

Conan fell off the couch "The Wah?" Conan sighed "Damn you Hattori…"

Evil… 

Gin woke up, his apartment of evil just radiated with evil! He exited his bed of evil, and picked up his hairbrush/comb thingy of evil, and brushed his hair 100 times somehow evilly, in order to ensure maximum evil, shininess, and volume!

He exited his door (of Evil!) and entered his Porsche 356A (of Evil?) and drove out to the Black Organization's HQ (Is that also evil?) as he approached the door he wondered

"Are they evil doors?"

Nonetheless he entered and proceeded to his office (I'm getting tired…) and gaped at what was on his desk… there was one thing more evil then him… more sinister then anything… and it sat on his desk…

Paperwork…

Vermouth's Point of View 

Vermouth yawned, in her bed of E_b_il…

RUN! 

How Volume 13 Chapter 8 should have went…

The monster Gomera approached the kids…

Conan shrieked, "RUN! IZ GODZILLA!"

"Oi, Oi…" Gomera glared

Faster then the Autobahn 

Kudou Yukiko was in heaven… oh how she loved Germany and the thousands of miles of straight freeway known as the _"Autobahn"_ she revved her engine…

"Okaa-san… you're not going to-"

Yukiko shot out at blazing fast speeds, every part, knut, and electric computer thingies working at there best…

"Get Ready Shin-chan!" Yukiko smiled "Mommies gonna break the sound barrier!"

"I knew this was a bad idea…" Conan sulked

B0000000000000000M 

And Yukiko did break it, and she and her son lived deaf for the next 3 weeks…


	4. The Red Pill, Or the Blue Pill

Shiniki: just a short one I thought of after I posted chapter 3…

The Antidote… 

"Kudou, I found the antidote…" Ai cheered

"THAT'S GREAT!" Conan yelled at the top of his lungs

"But there is a catch…"

"Oh, what is it?"

"Is…" Haibara paused… "Suppository…"

oO

Shiniki: Suppository pills are inserted through your rear end… don't ask…


	5. Tell me a Lie

Shiniki: It seems chapter 3 to this, is glitchy, I'm on vacation and using my lab-top which seems to hate fanfics… Anyways this one will be a full chapter on a rather not so short story…

Tell me a Lie meets Conan 

Arai Terumi could always read people's minds… she would look into the person's eyes and it would just happen…

One day she enrolled in a different school, Teitan High School to be exact… and she met Ran… and her eyes…

"_Destroy Her!_" Ran's triangle on her head screamed

"_Nooooooo!_" Ran fought back

And then she Met Haibara Ai…

"_I think the Beika Bridge is high enough to jump from…_"

Doctor Agasa…

"_Should Ai be paying rent? She is around 20 after all…_"

Conan Edogawa 

"_What is Jodie-sensei trying to pull? I know that's her…_"

Eisuke Hondou

"_Does this shirt make me look fat?_"

Kaito Kuroba

"_F-f-f…fish…panties… aoko… why… so oily and fishy… girl… freaky…Fish are eating me! THEY Are EATING ME! SAVE ME!!_"

Yuusaku Kudou

"_Plot bunnies are_

_attacking… I must warn them… before they take over the world…must warn them before its to late…I_"

Yukiko Kudou

"_Damn… my first parking ticket in 9 years…And I was so careful too!_"

Heiji Hattori

"_I need to re-tan my skin… It's loosing its smexy'ness_"

Gin & Vodka

"_We think… as ONE_"

Anacota

"_I am so evil! I own an organization of evil! And I haven't even appeared yet making my character anything I want… the evilest person ever! IM SO EVIL!_"

Vermouth

"_Silver Bullet-Kunbayah! Kunbayah! Kunbayah! Silver Bullet-Kunbayah!_"

A Murderer

"_That Kid looks EMO with those glasses on…_"

An Emo Dude

Lets not even go there…


	6. Celebrity Sensations

Shiniki: This has been troublesome, and I haven't been on fanfiction much but this new chapter (Chapter six to be exact!) is being written by a much older and wiser me. You can expect a slightly different style of writing in addition to less grammatical errors.

Such as - Lets eat Grandma! - Lets eat, Grandma!  
Although, that my dear friends would be cannibalism in the first part, and is frowned upon in most societies.

Without further adue then, enjoy missuire!

* * *

**Just one of those bad days...**

He was just following orders, business was business. What did it really matter to him anyways? He was nothing in the long run, a figure in a limitless legion. Yet something had struck a cord deep down inside Gin, what normally had been an imposing and grim figure now seemed to shrink back in what would be gravely mistaken as abhorrence.

Vodka brushed his shoulder, the stalwart figure of his long time partner too was impacted by the grotesque scene they were witnessing. Though much of his expression was hidden behind his obsidian shades, it was clearly evident that something terrible was happening.

In-front of them was a young teenage girl, sitting innocently on the couch. She had long brown hair that extended towards her lower back, with what appeared to be a horn of some type forming at her hairs' crest. Sitting next to the girl was a child no older than seven, he had a cowlick that seemed all to familiar to Gin with a sapphire suit that formed a tightly compacted collar around his neck. But it was not the two beings in-front of the infamous duo that caused their very frames to quake, but what was happening on the television before them.

"A-a-aniki are you seeing this?" Vodka wheezed.

"It can't-" Gin began, "No, this won't happen. I won't allow it."

Yoko Okino was getting married to a new but popular musical artist Shiniki Okuzawa.

"Nemui no Kogorou can wait, nobody touches my Yoko..." Gin withdrew from the home, no evidence of them ever entering could be seen by the naked eye. As he proceeded down the flight of stairs leading out of the detective agency, a fiery passion burned in his eyes. He was a member of the Black Organization, but nobody, not Vermouth nor _That Person_ would get in the way of him and his favorite celebrity idol.

Gin approached his Porsche, the keen black paint gleamed with a shining luster from what little light dared to touch it. His lithe hand slowly reached into his pocket, still shaking from what he had seen. The hand immediately withdrew and delved into another one of the thousands of compartments hidden within his overcoat. It was missing, the keys to his car had disappeared.

"Aniki don't tell me-" Vodka began.

"Yeah... I lost the keys-" Something had caught Gins eye, dangling from one of the various levers on the side of the steering wheel was a blue lanyard with a long piece of metal glinting from its end. "Inside... the car."

"Well, we could just break the window..." Vodka suggested.

Gin slowly turned towards his partner, his gun was already drawn and the specialized cocking grip was pulled back all the way. It was a hair trigger, the single most slightest flex of his finger and the recipient of his wrath would be erased permanently. "Don't, you, dare touch my car."

Gin broke to his knees and cursed the heavens, his bloodcurdling cry of despair engulfed the air. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

**Autograph!**

_"Is it alright?" He had asked._

_"Its fine! Shinichi-neechan said you could!" The adorable innocence of the childs face chirped back._

The thought burned in the back of Bourbon's, no, Okiya Subaru's mind, when he had first arrived in Tokyo from a requested transfer his apartment caught fire. It seemed like the random number generator in the sky had just picked his name for the catastrophe of the day. What was worse, he lost a truly priceless bottle of... well technically _himself _in the blazing inferno. He had never quite recovered from that. But such flashbacks were a digression, he was on a mission, he had an objective to complete and he was nearer to it than ever.

He stared out from one of the manors innumerable windows down at the oblivious child. She had slightly auburn hair that parted down the sides in a vague resemblance to a bob-cut, yet despite the hideous monstrosity of a hair style he was reminded of, she looked nice. He had watched her day in and day out, she would leave from the back porch of Agasa's small home and tend to a variety of plants she was growing. It was nearly mechanical to him, she would leave the house at exactly 0500 and never spent more than fifteen minutes tending to her plants. At 0700 she left for school and returned promptly at 1400 on the hour, day by day. The remainder of the day she was shut inside the house and rarely ever left, when she did, she was accompanied by the adorable chibi-tantei Conan Edogawa or the owner of the house himself, Hiroshi Agasa.

Yet monitoring the old friends of Kudou Shinichi had gotten nowhere. From what he could tell, the only way they were in contact was by phone. It gnawed at his soul, haunted his dreams and sent shivers down his spine. He had been looking forward to his transfer, a chance to see the giant metropolis of Tokyo instead of being shut in a warehouse somewhere in Tottori. But most of all, he had a fascination, a burning desire...

He wanted the autograph of Kudou Shinichi, his long time exalted idol. The entire trip had been a drag to him, years of studying and constructing somewhat creepy stalker chambers filled to the brim with newspaper clippings and photographs was going to waste. Sure, he was supposed to find this _Shiho Miyano_, a turncoat to the organization and kept always dropping by the rumor that he was closer than ever to wiping that smear off the face of the earth, but this was important! His inner fangirl had taken over all of his senses, he found himself squealing and giggling madly when he had first entered the house. Shredding through Kudou-sama's attire and delving himself into everything he ever saw.

Conan Edogawa stood outside his own house, he chuckled. He had successfully evaded another fan and used their own addiction to trap them inside. This was getting too easy...

**Humor, for once!**

Wataru Takagi was scared.

He didn't know what was happening or how it happened, he had been bound, gagged, lightly beaten, then tossed into a cramped and dark trunk-space in a vehicle that appeared to go airborne at every bump in the road it sailed over.

He had a bad taste in his mouth, he had tasted it before, but where? Was it at perhaps some type of food or was it something entirely different? But wait, he had got it! Chloroform, the taste was bitter but seemed to be... lemon flavored? _"Oi... Oi_,_"_ Takagi thought, _"What kind of criminal flavor coats their knock-out agents?"_

Takagi's train of thought was broken when the car he was in came to an abrupt halt, he cursed loudly as he hit his head on what appeared to be a large metallic box also stuck in the trunk compartment. He could barely turn over to glance at it but he made out what appeared to be a large sakura flower on its side.

The trunk opened, a bag was forced over his head and he was pushed towards his knee's.

"Wataru Takagi.**"** A voice began, "You've gotten too close with Miwako-chan.."

The penny dropped, all the mysteries in the world seemed to have been solved. The flavored agent was likely to lessen the experience, the sakura flower was the insignia of the metropolitan police department. He chuckled "Shiratori-keibu... Is that you?"

* * *

AN: Yes I know Shiratori-keibu actually liked Kobayashi-sensei and mistook Satou for that, however I find its still fun to bring back an old recurring gag.

* * *

**What ever happened to the Geneva convention?**

The mop.

It was the weapon of sadists worldwide. Such destructive power concealed within a compact frame, capable of inflicting fatal blows at a dizzying speed. Its dual purpose allowed it to be easily concealed as a simple tool and transported into any public facility.

But Kaito was smarter than others, he knew of its dastardly secret. How many careless and foolish individuals have fallen victim to that... that thing. He hung precariously balanced on one of the large cafeteria lamps that hung several dozen feet from the ground whilst the wet tendrils of the cleaning utensil periodically made glancing blows towards his position. He hopped to another lamp in an effort to escape, "Nee Aoko-chan!" He called, "This is a bit too much isn't it?"

His voice carried across the air like silk, its lush deepness filling the air and piercing through all sound present at the large afternoon commotion... But it hit a crucible of steel, also known as; Aoko Nakamori.

Her wrath was evident, steam seemed to shoot from her ears whilst a murderous and bloodthirsty glare hung both in her eyes and sinisterly twisted smile. She heard the words clear as day, but somehow she had forgotten how to comprehend the spoken word. Her vision had became blurred and was filled with a the figure of a lean teenage boy in the jet blue school uniforms of her high school. He had gangly and untidy brown hair that something in the back of her mind had always made her think that the hair would eat combs if they ever came near it. The boy seemed familiar but a peculiar sensation was shooting through her right now. The voice in the back of her mind was now yelling in full force, there was no Aoko Nakamori, there was only the hunter and the prey... He had flipped her skirt for the last time, she was going to wipe the floor with him, literally.

* * *

AN: Apparently somebody thought it was funny to mess with my spell-check program... Re-uploading after PROOFREADING it... I blame plot bunnies.  



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